Feb 3, 2016 - Uncategorized    1 Comment

Bags of Souls

Have you ever looked into the eyes of the one you love, and had it just dawn on you that you would destroy them.
Not in that instance, not in the next, but on a looming normal day, you will wake up, look at their face lying on that pillow and decide, ‘I’m done’ I have had enough of this bag of soul.
That you would strangle their laughter, thick callused hands wrapped around the necks of their dreams. and you will see the ghost town of what the space that used to be between the two of you emptied with silence.
Has it ever filled you with dark dread, made you throw up green a little in your mouth.


The thought that one day you will be strangers, and that it will be because you broke them.

No?

Me neither.

Feb 3, 2016 - Uncategorized    No Comments

I think you should know your feet stank

 

I only remember that your feet stank. To high heaven.

I remember telling myself that in that instance and tucking it away in a mental list of things to tell you.

You had lost something that was precious to you that day, and I sat there on the bed and asked you if you needed me to stay.

No.

I heard it in the shake of your head, and then you turned away for some few seconds.

But when you turned back to look at me, I realised that we both lost something precious that day.

Me you.

You not me. Something other than me, there was always something you could never find in the reach of my arms, in the width of my hips, in the taste of my lips.

I hope you finally found it.

But I think you should know your feet stank.

Feb 3, 2016 - Uncategorized    No Comments

Do not Drink

 

You sit there and look at them accepting you, smiling, being normal.
They are accepting skeletons of yourself that you would flee from, if they were not your own.
You sit back in a dark corner of your mind and look at them intently, studying the indentation of their smile for deceit, for lies, for shadows.
You must be sure.
That the acceptance is unconditional, because once you greedily drink from their soul, you will learn why the moon weeps and gloomily traverses the sky.


Why like an eclipse, you can only exchange souls so often and still remain whole.

Feb 3, 2016 - Uncategorized    No Comments

Son of the Sun

It is dark in your life now but I see you.
A ray in the womb of the sun, the light is almost piercing through your skin, and the cracks are glorious.
Let yourself soar, join the sky, be brilliant, shine.
Do not dim yourself for anyone, allow yourself to set and every sunrise revel in the wounds through which sunlight walks the earth.
Be the light.

Feb 3, 2016 - Uncategorized    No Comments

Learning to let go

 

You wear a casual air so easily
In the flick of the light in your eyes
The delicious subtle twitch of autumn lips
And then the words tumble out
Washing over me like a balmy winter, warm at first and cold all at once.
I swallow the questions seeping out of my soul
Moping them up with remorse and praying my eagerness away
You miss me, three casual words flung at my feet
I shall keep my pride ram rod straight, even if it kills me, I shall not pick them up, I shall not caress them, hold them near, cry into their crevices
I have been here before, heard these words, ran to them,picked them up, inhaled them, licked them,
And then you broke me again, with the accuracy of pythagoras, you twisted my heart in angles it could not recover from
More times than I like to count
So I choose silence
I have been pliable, and forgiving, hiding how I feel behind slipping smiles,
Always circling the nipple of the matter.
I choose patience
I shall wait for my heart’s waves to ebb
And then I shall forget
I shall never let those three words in,
I want to wreck you, so that you finally understand why hurricanes are named after women
I want you to wake up and realise that you have lost me
That your skies are dark, and I am no longer there, a worried moon always begging to be let in

Feb 3, 2016 - Uncategorized    No Comments

I will cut you

I cut two onions earlier today. Im dangerous like that. Fuck around and get cut up.
I interrogated them in a dark room with a single bulb, it swang slowly, eerily, bouncing light off of dark, bare walls which look like the inside of a scream.
In a soliloquy in my head, I was multiple personality disorder cop.
“Who sent you?”
“Just tell us what we want to know and we will let you go”
“Why are you here?”
But they never answered so I chopped open their heads and threw them in a frying pan on a fire.
But something went wrong, I cannot stop crying, I think their sharp onion fumes punctured a tear vein in my left eye and now I look like a theatre mask, one eye cries while the other smiles grotesquely.
Now they are in onion hell paying for what they did to me.

Feb 3, 2016 - Uncategorized    No Comments

TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HEART

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I move around a lot, from heart to heart, lip to lip, flesh to flesh,

I am searching for you.
I don’t know what your face looks like when you are not in love with me, so I am traversing souls, gazing deep into twisted tormented shadows trying to seek you out.
Does the moon not wander the sky night after night, glowing through pockets of darkness and trudging on, dreading sunrise, clinging to the sky and waiting?
I shall look for you even underneath the largest pile of broken dreams, and search every nook and cranny, I shall crawl into skin and keep breathing,


I will wait for this fate, this destiny.


And yet as star crossed as we are, I hope we can at least have a quiet moment, a silence of the lambs, one day,when the stars align with the sky,


I shall meet you by the eclipse, and we shall dance until the shadows fade.

Jan 5, 2016 - Uncategorized    No Comments

SKY

 

I tried to write something dark and soulful about you, something morose and dripping melancholy into frozen pockets of gloom, and I could not find the words. Could this mean that perhaps you are finally just faded ink on this page that is my existence, that maybe I am now on a different paragraph in the book of life?
Maybe tomorrow the sunrise will not remind me of you, and the thought that we are under the same sky will not fill me with the panic that out of seven billion people in the world, I am the one you chose not to choose.

Nov 15, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

HI

 

I wrote two letters only,

“Hi”

and hesitated over the send button,
I hemmed and hawed and deleted the letters and then wrote them again and my finger hovered and hesitated over the send button, until I finally sent it.
But in the shrewd light of your eyes, you read everything I did not write, you read that I am alone, and vulnerable, and that I am reaching out to you, to soothe and calm, to be.

You read that I was feeling so small, that Paris Is burning, and so is Syria and Beirut and Lebanon, and other corners of the world that no one speaks about and you read that I am feeling like the world is so near,

Paris is usually a dream, far fetched by the glittery lights of the Eiffel tower, but now its mortal and her people lay strewn beside beautiful roses tinted in the hues  of love.

You read, in those two letters, about the Syrian boy who drowned, and how hopeless I feel the world has become, that a child should drown helplessly, running away from his home, away from terrors in a land he can no longer survive in, he had two choices, run and risk drowning, and stay and there is no risk because death lurked every cabro pavement, every dark corner of their house, death sat and waited for his inevitable gain.

I was feeling hopeless enough to need you, a hopeless quest for solace.
And when these two letters went unanswered I breathed a sigh of relief, I am awake again, the Sun is bright and the world stands, and I realize I must fight, we must rise against terror, and loss, so much loss of life, of compassion, of humanity, amidst belligerent squabbles about flags and colors.

And most importantly loss of love.

The world is small, and ailing, and I read Rumi’s words, they made me ache:
‘I ran my hand all over a map of the world and whispered
“Where does it hurt?”
Everywhere
Everywhere
Everywhere
Everywhere”

Nov 8, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

LOOKING BACK – ADVOCACY FOR DIVORCE

It has taken about 20 years but I have finally become an advocate of divorce, in some cases. I was part of a dire situation, with so much turmoil.

I remember one of my birthdays my mum had left again and my father bought me a single queencake (times were that tough) and we lit a candle next to it,¬† and my 4 brothers stood beside me and sung (not so) happy birthday to me. I retreated into my head and watched that candle flicker, flailing and waving, and I wished sooo sooo hard for my mum to come back as I blew out the lonely miserable candle, even the wax seemed to weep at the grayness that surrounded that table. We prayed and slept. Read more »

Oct 7, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

BURYING YOU

I am just happy to not be thinking of you, ( although in a way, I suppose i still am)

Not to be wondering, why, so much, all the time,

Not to have a head so full of question marks that my cranium was bursting at the seams.

I’m glad someone else broke my heart, it proves to me you’re not the only one who can do it, you haven’t patented the art of breaking hearts, and that makes me happy, because it means you’re not special. Read more »

Oct 7, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

TAKE EVERYTHING

We carry so many stories, dripping with poigancy and hurtling against the cages of our tongues nursed against dry palates.

There are so many nuances to the curve of your lips and the pucker that delicately sits on your face.
Innumerable songs about your brows, helping you save face and view the world.
Silent whispers about the torso that holds your limbs together so effortlessly.
Chants about your eyes, where villages of errant souls dwell, seeking a tomorrow, a maybe or a promise. Read more »

Oct 7, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

Je suis

The arch of my brow is pure bourgeoisie passed down through a million generations through blood most red and that famous rib, the curl of my lip is dramatic as anything you’ve ever seen, making you gulp in fear of what I might think,say, or do, the sway and sashay of my hips reminds you of evergreen palm fronds gently dancing on a humid ocean breeze, you can taste the salt on your tears. Read more »

Oct 7, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

A RESOLVE FOR CHAOS

Id like to make a resolve for chaos, one for recklessness, one for a double edged sword to draw blood.
I desire to let my darkness be seen, my skies are not clear or azure, the grass is not enviably green where I sit.
Come, speak to my demons, look into their souls and see frames of shadows through which I see the world, my world.
I have been cautious and careful, a little mouse neatly making my way through a maze.
I have dotted my Is and crossed my ts, I have been perfect, or so damn near perfect it hurts, in this charade of living your dream of me.
I think before I act, I want some things but i hem and haw and dither and think about why I shouldn’t and what will happen if I do and what would happen after what will happen after what would happen and I just go round and round and think and think so hard that so much slips away, desires thaw, my soul forgets.
In my quest to fit into this prescribed mold so much escapes and now all that is left is a shell of need, a craving vortex of approval and an insatiable need to seamlessly tie in with everything else, like a sky embracing a horizon.
All that is left is a blank page from which questions arise.
Who is this person pretending to be me?
Who am I when I am prim and proper?
Who are we if we do not even know that all this time we have been someone else, somewhere else?
Why must I hide my avarice, my envy, my lust, my sacrifice, my ghosts, my mind, my strength, my wit, my self?
Why must I bury the bones?
Why must I be so shy just because I am naked beneath my clothes?
Why all this shame and self deprecation, cant I just show you each part of me and have a modicum of acceptance?
The day loses the battle to the night but we do not run away.
I am the day but my brown skin en scones a stubborn, fiery, bright, starry skied night.
Do you see now why I need chaos?
Because at the sight of blood, only the truth dares to stand.
Read more »

Oct 6, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

NO ONE

No one else feels the same, or tastes the same, or looks at me the same, their tongues dance in such a strange way,

never as familiar as your teasing ritual, some are lumps,some heave and breathe as if on the brink of death,

others make me cry from sadness, because I did not even get to the brink, no one’s skin is as hot as yours, or the same texture,

or the same feel of iron underneath the softest, tamest velvet, I wonder, do you also look for me in the taste of strange tongues,

and search their skin, digging depths into orifices and deliciously failing to find me. Read more »

Oct 4, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

LITTLE GIRL


Fat hips of a woman, full lips, leaps and bounds from your true person, fire in your eyes, hunger lacing hot, vapid breath, nostrils flaring with insecure thought after thought after thought, tears rimming pleading eyes, which pride quickly dries up.
What they think is the haughty rise of your thick, brown nose, is your armour against the hurts of the world, the snide curl of your lips is your self derision and criticism, how can your smile be so ugly? You ponder.


Can they not see, how much of a hideous monstrosity I am?
Is that not why love playfully runs and hides away from me, destroying villages in my eyes?


I sit in cul de sacs of unrequited love and inhale the sweet sadness pervading fickle flesh.
Even my heart is not strong enough to bear this lack of love, of want.


When they see you turn away and think ‘she must feel like she is too good for us’, they cannot see how low self esteem is dragging you, the gravity of self deprecation dodges your every step. You wear a hijaab of shame and feel like a mat on the door to nothing.
Read more »

Oct 4, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

I WANT TO LONG FOR YOU JUST LIKE THIS…

I want to long for you just like this,
Like an empty lung I want to gasp and suffocate in the yearning of you,
Like life I want to be bereft when death wins the war,
I want to cry and eat my pillow and seethe at how unfair it all is,
I just want to lay on my bathroom floor and let tears fill my ears,
I want this grief to seep into my skin and turn me into an all blue hue,
With the deepest wanting of you.
The stirrings in my loins will wither away with each decadent memory, the taste of each touch will dry up on my tongue, lost to my heart and up to my neck in forevers, may the waters of time collude with the tide and pull us violently apart, for our love was wild and fatal.
May I be the hand that is strong and desperate and you the neck choking in its hold.
May I be time and you death, eternally bound to sail through life together, unwilling bossoms heaving with regrets after the fights, futile attempts to break this tie your soul has on mine.
None of us will win, and I will lose a little more than you, for I have lost you.
Read more »

Oct 4, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

ENOUGH

 

We bleed so much everday… so much of our souls, every moonset and rise, we stand by and drip away,
Ball points writhing, simulteanously writing away at the book of life, Read more »

Oct 3, 2015 - Uncategorized    No Comments

MORATORIUM OF FLESH

 

A moratorium of flesh that embargoes hades, that is who you are, saving me from the flames, helping me endure myself, day to night to day.
You tie down my daemons, and expose my light, fishing out sorrow, from the shadows of my soul. Read more »

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